You
have something to contribute as have others
The
aim of assertive behaviour is to satisfy the needs and wants of both parties,
in other words a 'win-win' situation.
Accept
responsibility for your own actions and use 'I' statements - I feel (emotion)
when you (behaviour). I would prefer that you (alternate behaviour).
Use
assertive verbal skills such as
-
Broken record - In a calm voice quietly repeat what it is you want until the other
person listens and responds to your need. Stick to your point and keep it short.
This will avoid the need to rehearse arguments until you run out of steam and
give in.
-
Fogging - This skill allows you to accept manipulative criticism without becoming
anxious or defensive. By acknowledging to the critic the possibility that there
may be some truth in what s/he says you can disarm them. Yet, you remain your
own judge of what you do. It involves you staying calm in the face of criticism
and agreeing what ever may be fair and useful in it. By refusing to be provoked
and upset by criticism, you remove its destructive power
Make
the most of your listening skills. Ask open questions and check out your assumptions
and understanding.
Take
control of your inner voice. Listen to the positive enabling voice and turn off
the critic.
Think
about the language you use. Move from 'I should' 'I must' to 'I choose'.
Think
about how you manage your time. If you are constantly responding to other people's
crisis then learn to say 'no' without feeling guilty.
Practice
a couple of quick stress management techniques that you can use when you are feeling
challenged.
Identify
your strengths and promote them. Identify your learning needs and make a SMART
plan to address them.
…
And SMART objectives are those that are
- Specific - is
the objective clear
-
Measurable - can I measure the success or failure of my objective?
-
Achievable - realistically, do I have enough resources and time to carry out this
objective successfully?
-
Relevant - does this objective help me achieve progress for my project?
-
Time-bounded and trackable - do I have a firm end date for my project and milestones
along the way to help me check on progress?
Get
used to change by challenging your self with small changes that place you outside
your comfort zone.
When
seeking to influence others prepare well. First put yourself in their shoes and
think about:
-
What agenda they might have?
-
What they might need from you?
-
What are the weaknesses in your idea they'll try to exploit
-
What are the strengths they'll try to avoid?
Then
prepare your response. Consequently, you will feel much more confident going into
a negotiation or influencing situation. When you feel confident you will behave
in a confident manner and people will see a confident person.
